Hanging out with Me!
Anyone else out there have anxiety when they find themselves with a morning all alone!?
My hubby has meetings in Salt Lake today and so we stayed overnight in a hotel in the city. I was so excited to wake up and have a quiet morning all to myself!
Strangely, I woke up with anxiety!
What am I going to do?!
Do I lay in bed all morning reading or watching Netflix?
Do I get productive and work on my yoga teacher training or write a blog post? (Ha!)
Do I actually shower and get dressed to take a stroll around the big city, do a little shopping? (I mean, we’re right by the mall and I’m from Rexburg!!)
Waking up this morning I suddenly didn’t know what to do in this space! The quiet felt strange and uncomfortable. How do I hang out with me?!
Well, I am starting to understand one thing about myself — when I start to spiral into an anxious mind, I need to get to work. I don’t mean that in the sense of “productivity” or “busyness.” I mean, I just need to do something. I need to make a choice and act.
So, I did. I got up. Put my yoga clothes on and went in search for breakfast (no continental here). The only real option was the fancy lobby restaurant, so I went in. I just sat at my table and ate while listening to a group of business people chat about their work (yes, I felt a little out of place).
Back in the room I took a shower while listening to an interview with Elder Bednar. Interestingly enough, he was talking about how acting brings power, not the other way around.
And then I started a blog post (not this one).
At 9:30 I knew there was a live session for my yoga teacher training. Getting into a live session at home is pretty tricky because there are too many distractions, so I seized the opportunity and logged on.
I am so glad I tuned into that session! At first, the topic seemed a bit inapplicable to me. But I stayed. Admittedly, I started to think about other things. But about halfway through people started to share their stories. The lead trainer began to talk about how she’s been practicing yoga teaching for twenty years and still is having ah-ha moments and reminders of how to truly practice.
Another woman opened up. She said Thursday meetings don’t usually work for her, but today she felt the need to get on the call to share her story. She had had a difficult night in tears, but when she woke up this morning her thoughts were on Victor Frankl. She felt renewed energy thinking of this man who experienced great struggle in concentrations camps and was still able to have positive perspective on his life.
This led to a gal sharing her story. It was her birthday a couple of days ago, 45 years old. She happened to see a post by her husband on Instagram — it was a picture of her — and she was mortified. “Who is that old woman,” she thought. And her self-berating started to flood in. Then, she heard a voice ask, “Why don’t you ask him what he sees in that picture and why he posted it?” And so she did. And he said, “I see warmth. I see love. And I see beauty.” She then had a big ol’ cry session and stayed with herself until she felt that love.
One last story. A woman, a young mom with Peppa Pig playing in the background, shared about her morning and how she was just feeling crummy. She saw that is was raining outside and decided to just go play in the rain. It was in that moment that she knew she liked herself! She liked that she was loud and that she thought she was funny. She liked herself.
These stories had me in tears by the end. I thought about my own morning, my own anxieties and moments of indecision. And I decided that no matter what I do this morning, I like myself! I do. I like spending time with me!
And this idea of “staying with yourself” in moments of struggle is so powerful! In those moments when maybe someone or something is trying to tell us we don’t like ourselves, just stay there and be there to give love. Hearing stories of others feeling such love is powerful, meaningful and oh so needed!
I also recognized God’s hand in each of these stories.
He is so real!
He is aware and alive in our lives.
He is Love.
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