Summer Theme

Years ago my daughter, Addie, was in a pageant. This was a great feat for this wonderful girl, an event that helped her grow into the woman she is today. 

She described her experience this way: 

 “Being in the pageant world it’s so easy to compare yourself to others because you’re all doing the same thing and the judges’ whole purpose is to compare yourself against the others. So, I always looked for ways to compliment the other contestants. It helped a ton! I literally stopped feeling threatened and was happy to be there.”

Addie turned the feelings and thoughts of comparison into compassion by complimenting the other contestants. This not only boosted their confidence, but did the same for herself as well.

In his book, Present Perfect, Pavel G. Somov says, “When you compare yourself to somebody else, you are comparing yourself to not-you…For you to score like they do, look like they do, earn like they do, talk like they do, be like they are, you’d have to not be you. But you are you: not worse, not better, just different…Celebrate the uniqueness of your existence.”

How do we do this? Similar to a pageant, our culture is highly competitive. How do we keep ourselves from doing down a rabbit hole of comparison? 

Not “Just” 

One thought I heard recently was how we use the word “just” when describing what we do. This automatically puts us in a comparative state. 

“I am just a mom.” 

“I just go to the gym twice a week.” 

“I just have two children.” 

And the list goes on…. 

When we add the word “just” to ourselves we minimize our identity. As Somov says above, celebrate who you are! We don’t need to minimize ourselves by being “just” anything. 

My sister and I laugh because she knows how much I dislike the phrase “You are good enough.” No! We are not good enough, we are great and noble and amazing!! Being “good enough” is like saying “just” about our lived experience. Eve is described as noble! Let’s be noble with her. 

How are we speaking? 

Another way to bring compassion in replacement of comparison is to notice how we talk to ourselves and about others. Elder Vern P. Stanfill taught, “When we compare ourselves to others, there can be only two results. Either we will see ourselves as better than others and become judgmental and critical of them, or we will see ourselves as less than others and become anxious, self-critical and discouraged.” 

This is so true! 

Jonah and Enoch are perfect examples of this. Whereas Jonah eventually turned around to teach the Ninevites, in the end he was angry they were saved rather than meeting utter destruction. Enoch, on the other hand, taught a group of equally wicked individuals who did not repent and yet plead with God to save them. Jonah continued to compare and compete while Enoch cried with compassion toward his fellowmen. Are we seeking to not only celebrate our own greatness, but the greatness of others. 

We all need compassion rather than comparison. It’s simply good for the soul and good for the collective strength of humanity. 

We all struggle

A third way to combat comparison with compassion is to normalize the human experience. Every person on this earth has a thorn in the flesh. We’ve all heard the saying, “We often compare our worst to someone else’s best.”  Most of us put on strong faces when going out to meet the world, but deep in each of our hearts is some sort of struggle, pain, wound, trial, temptation, or hardship. Where there is strength there is also weakness! Without comparing our struggles to another (a whole other rabbit hole to go down), we can meet one another with compassion because the full story is rarely fully evident. 

Elder Renlund has said, “Comparing ourselves to others can lead us to make pernicious errors, especially if we conclude that we are more righteous than those who are struggling….After all, we are all struggling in our own way…We do need all our compassion, empathy, and love as we interact with those around us.” 

This includes being compassionate with ourselves as we work through our won weaknesses and struggles. Comparison starts in our hearts. Therefore, compassion can heal our hearts. 

In conclusion, “Comparing ourselves to others is rarely productive, not uplifting, and sometimes downright depressing,” Elder Stanfill says.  Turning comparison into compassion is the greatest lesson I have learned as I’ve worked through my own imperfections and humanness. We are all divine beings having a human experience. Once we truly understand this, our hearts can be filled with compassion and comparisons can be much less debilitating in our lives. 

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“Thus speakers the Lord of hosts, saying, Execute true judgment, and shew mercy and compassions every man to his brother.” — Zechariah 7:9