Self-Worth, Self-Esteem, & Self-Confidence

Have you ever wondered about the difference is between self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence? 

I hadn’t really thought of these terms in comparison with one other until I was asked to teach the Young Women a lesson with this topic. It was so good to delve into the nitty gritty of these terms. Here’s what I came up with… (note: it goes very well with my three pillars of self-love model). 

A ONE DOLLAR BILL 

Let’s use a $1 bill to distinguish between these three words 

Ignoring a fluctuating market, we can say that the dollar bill is always worth a one dollar bill.  The worth of the dollar does not change. Whether the dollar bill is crisp and beautiful or ver well-used, the dollar will remain the worth of a dollar. 

How we view the dollar bill is based on perception, however. So, a rich man and a poor man will look at that dollar bill differently.  Each person has the ability to esteem the dollar based on their circumstances, opinions, perspective and preferences. Thus, the value or estimation of the dollar can change from person to person. 

How do we know that our dollar will be useable at a store? There is trust involved — trust that the person behind the counter will honor the dollar. There’s another aspect here, though. We can have confidence that the dollar will be accepted because we have spent a dollar dozens of times. Experience tells us that the dollar can be spent. 

THE COMMANDMENT TO LOVE YOURSELF 

Now let’s put the SELF in front of each word. 

Matthew 22: 36-39 teaches, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” 

Have you ever thought of loving yourself as a commandment? Loving yourself is as much a part of this verse and loving God and neighbor. We often ignore this piece. Yet, if it’s a commandment, why don’t we love ourselves?  

Thich Nhat Hahn has said, “We are afraid to be ourselves, and we change who we are to be accepted. If your happiness depends entirely on the views of other people, you have no confidence…True happiness and true power lie in understanding yourself, accepting yourself and having confidence in yourself.”  

These are what I call the Three Pillars of Self-Love and each ties in nicely with self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. 

SELF-WORTH = UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF

To understand ourselves and our worth we must come to know that we are divine beings having a human experience. I believe this is an unchanging truth. Because of our human experience, we must have opposition in order to grow. 

Seeds need to work through the soil to find the sunlight and become a plant. 

Our muscles need opposing forces to become stronger. 

Nature is infused with opposition:  light and dark, male and female, hot and cold. 

Why would we think our bodies are any different? We have been blessed with gifts and we have also been given weaknesses. Ether 12:27 - “I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble.” The verse continues to tell us that God will make “weak things to become strong.” This does not mean that our weaknesses will suddenly become strengths; rather, that our weaknesses will make us strong. 

There is natural opposition when we see that every weakness is also tied to a strength. President Hinckley was known to be an impatient man. But it is because of that impatience that we had 100 temples built by the year 2000. 

Take a minute to think of a weakness you believe you have. Can you see a strength directly tied to that weakness? We need to weakness in opposition of the strength in order to be stronger! 

SELF-ESTEEM = ACCEPTING YOURSELF 

One piece to the definition of esteem is: “to compare in value.” 

We often think of comparing as “bad” or “wrong.” And yet, in order to esteem ourselves correctly, we must make comparisons. It’s a natural part of being human to compare one thing to another. We simply need to be sure we are doing so honestly and righteously. 

The scriptures teach us to “judge righteously” and Heavenly Father says has “shown [us] the way to judge.”  How do we do this? We can turn our comparison into compassion. 

When feeling extra critical of ourselves because of unrighteous comparisons, we can look for ways to compliment others. 

Likewise, we can accept the things we want and the things we don’t want. Maybe you think you should have the same talent as another, but are you sure you really want it? 

“When you compare yourself to somebody else, you are comparing you to not-you…For you to score like they do, look like they do, earn like they do, talk like they do, be like they are, you'd have to not be you. But you are you: not worse, not better, just different…Celebrate the uniqueness of your existence….(Pavel G. Somov, Present Perfect p. 47).” 

You get to ultimately decide how you view yourself! Self-esteem does not come from external sources. Your perception is all you need to work on as you compassionately come to accept your whole self. 

SELF-CONFIDENCE = TRUST YOURSELF

Just as we know we can confidently walk into a store to spend a dollar, with consistent practice and awareness, we can gain confidence in ourselves. Think of something you do well now that you weren’t able to do before? Maybe it’s playing an instrument or understanding algebra. Maybe it’s a habit such as getting up early in the morning or eating healthier. Do you remember when that thing was hard? Compare that to how confident you feel now. 

Consistent practice and experience builds our confidence. And yet, we must practice from a place of love. I recently heard someone say, “You can’t hate yourself into greatness.” Focusing on the other two pillars — understanding and accepting yourself — leads to building greater confidence as you move forward in becoming the person you know you can become! 

Elder Lance B. Wickam in a BYU-Idaho devotional address talked about “confidence tests” he was put through in his training to become a US Army Ranger. His teachers would put them through rigorous challenges, testing their confidence as a way to prepare them for the field. “Our leaders taught us to have confidence in ourselves and in our own training… Throughout our lives, we face other, more significant confidence tests than those I endured in my training.… Each of us faces an uncertain future. But when we face it, remembering what we already know, we face it with faith. We face it with good cheer. We face it with confidence.”

YOU ARE MILLIONS

When my oldest was about 4 years old he was sitting by his grandma at church. Just before the meeting started she leaned over and whispered, “I love you millions!”  He looked up at her and said, “I’m not millions, I’m John.” 

The truth is, you are millions! You are worth way more than that one dollar bill!  

Sister Patricia Holland has said, “When you dwell on your limitations exclusively, to the point that they affect your inner view and strength, you cook god in his very creation, you deny the divinity within you!…So be patient in your pursuit of perfection.”

REMEMBER: 

• Your worth does not change. Weaknesses are a GIFT from Heavenly Father that we may be humble and that we may be strong.
• He has shown us the way to judge righteously and esteem yourself and others honestly. 
• All things shall be for your experience and it’s through such experience that we gain confidence in ourselves and God. 

YOU are His work and His glory!