The Call to a Family-Centered Life

Thirty years ago, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, declared, “…the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” 

Of course, thirty years ago people wondered as to why such a proclamation was needed. Coming to the present day, we see the corrosion of the family. Birthrates are in decline all around the world. Marriage is seen as a commodity, not a necessity.  The traditional family is not necessarily the norm. 

Some say this is just the way things are now and that it’s not that bad. In some ways, it’s good that we have the options we do without the social pressure or shame or stigma around such topics. There is much greater tolerance and acceptance for those situations that don’t fit the traditional model. Still, “the family is central to the Creator’s plan.” 

We either believe that or we don’t. 

The family is central! 

It might be difficult to read the rest of the proclamation because on the surface we see our leaders saying there is only one “right” way to be a family — the father provides by going into the workforce, the mother nurtures by staying home with the children.  That’s not what it says exactly, but it’s definitely inferred and what us 40-somethings were taught.  And yet, we always have the ability to seek truth of ourselves.  

Again, we either believe the family is central to God’s plan or we do not. 

So, what does it mean  for the family to be central? 

The word central means “of greatest importance.” Let’s look at that opening sentence again: 

“…the family is [of greatest importance] to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” 

Full stop. 

There are many ways to provide. There are many ways to nurture. If we can just hold onto this one phrase and not get caught up in what that family is “supposed” to look like, we can discern for ourselves how we can make our family central in our lives. 

President Dallin H. Oaks has recently given us some guidelines on how we can do just that. Again, reading his talk initially, we might feel a bit at odds because, well, life is a lot busier and more complicated than the days of his childhood — or so we believe. But let’s just look at the ways he suggested we make family central (not traditional): 

• Teach the love of a Heavenly Father and the eventual blessings of a temple marriage 
• Teach kindness, forgiveness, self-control, the value of education and honest work. 
• Serve together and one another 
• Teach practical knowledge 
• Work on meaningful projects together (he mentioned gardening and learning a language)
• Participate in wholesome recreation activities together (campings, sports events, etc.)
• Hold family reunions 
• Working in the yard and in the home to learn the basic skills of living 
• Counsel together about matters that concern the family and its members
• Turn technology off
• Pray together, worship together
• Share family stories and sacred experiences 
• Share and create family traditions

This may seem like an exhaustive list when, yes, family life is already consumed with busyness; but every mother and every father can do this!  As we look at this list, we might first notice what we’re already doing. Rather than adding more, look at what is already being done! Most of these things can be (and already are) inserted into our daily routine. Maybe choose ONE to improve on in your life and then do it, not with fanfare, but with intention. 

Intentionality is the key. Consistency is the goal. 

To make something central in our lives, we can simply think about it more. In a recent sacrament meeting talk the speaker said, “Perfection isn’t the goal, consistency is the goal.” Making those small steps daily, consistently, we’ll walk the long path to perfection. 

Don’t let this instruction to make the family central send you into a shame spiral or on a guilt trip. Don’t let the pressure build to the point you believe you just can’t make it!  We can’t blame President Oaks for being “out of touch with modern times” to justify our own life choices!  

Let’s remember instead what he actually said, “Our doctrine and our belief in eternal families strengthen and bond us.” 

We either believe that or we don’t! 

When God gives us a commandment, He provides a way for us to accomplish it (1 Nephi 3:7).  So if God says that family is central, and we believe it, we can also believe that He will provide the way! He will make it possible and give us the power to make it so. He is in the work of families and we get to be co-creators with Him! 

It is in our homes that we make the greatest impact for our children before sending them out into the world. This is not to fill us with fear and pressure, but empower us to embrace our role as mothers and fathers! 

In our homes we have the power to create a small refuge from the outside storms. 

In our homes we have the power to practice “faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion and work.” 

In our homes, we have the power! This power is ours to take and run with. This power is given to us from a loving Heavenly Father because family is central to His eternal plan. 

He has said, “It is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” We are His great work and He has given us homes and families in which to fulfill His purposes as co-creators with Him. 

Let us be intentional in making ours a family-centered life. Let us consistently insert meaningful experiences into our homes. Let us choose to feel inspired by the counsel of our leaders. Let us feel empowered by the promises from God as we participate in His great work. 

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“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” - The Family: A Proclamation to the World