Settlers of Catan

I have a theory. 

Playing Setters of Catan is a metaphor for life. 

We headed down to Utah this past weekend for our grandbaby’s blessing and ended the trip with a couple of games of Settlers. 

Settlers has been a staple in our home since…well, forever! We got the game for Christmas when John was 4 years old, just before moving back down to Provo for J’s master’s program. My sister was visiting and so in between packing boxes and preparing to move, we played several games of Settlers. Thus became our obsession, not only with that game but more complex, strategy-based games in general. 

In all honestly, board games have become a part of our parenting philosophy as a whole. We believe, at least for us, board games create social skills, help with emotion regulation, and provide a safe (sometimes not so safe) space for problem solving and relationship building. 

And so we come to my theory that playing Settlers of Catan is a metaphor for life. 

I’ve noticed when playing Settlers of Catan, certain emotions come out in each of the players. I would say that maybe we are facing our demons when playing this game. I’m not sure what it is about the nature of this game verses others, but it does seem to bring out our insecurities at higher levels. 

For example (this is me being super vulnerable), I struggle with scarcity mentality. When someone else is winning, I must be losing. I wish this were only while playing the game, but it is pretty prevalent in real life as well. And so, when I see someone building a longer road than me or I have three points while another has 8, I begin to feel inadequate, less than and downright worthless. This has gotten a lot better through the years, but it’s still a demon I have to manage. 

Other players react differently. One becomes a bit manipulative, using social persuasion to influence the decisions of others. Another has been known to get angry, yelling and taking hits personally. Others become quietly competitive and others choose to bow out of the game completely because they do not like the tension that arises. 

So, if Settlers of Catan seemingly brings out the worst in us, why do we insist on playing over and over again? 

I recently read a book called, Learning to Walk in the Dark. The author’s basic premise is that we are trained that darkness is something to be feared, avoided and eradicated from our lives. She goes on to show how darkness is actually a necessary part of life. Without darkness, light has no meaning. In darkness you can see the stars. Some of the greatest scriptural accounts occurred when at night or in the dark. 

Similarly, we must become acquainted with the darkness in ourselves in order to truly embrace the light. Those demons that come out while playing an inconsequential board game are meant to be acknowledged. A board game can be a safe place for those weaknesses to be confronted so that we can find peace in them. 

I’m not saying I’m proud of my actions when those parts of me come out during the game. If anything, I feel super embarrassed. But, I do like to use these moments for some self-reflection. I do take these moments to notice where I have made great improvement and also to recognize what still activates me so I can continue to improve. 

In short, playing Settlers of Catan simply reminds me that I am human. We are all just human. 

 - - - - - 

“How do we develop the courage to walk in the dark if we are never asked to practice?”

“…the good news is that dark and light, faith and doubt, divine absence and presence, do not exist at opposite poles. Instead, they exist with and within each other, like distinct waves that roll out of the same ocean and roll back into it again.” 

 - Barbara Brown Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark